its been so long.

hi all. its been a month since i posted.
man its been a weird month of good and bad.

somtimes i wonder if i can ever keep it a secret any more..
i dont want to lose you as a friend..

recently i've been catching up with someone and she seemed quite alright. but i think what i did recently have already ended our relationship as friends.

i hate raging hormones.
Sin ravishes.
Christians suffer.




will i backslide. like 6 years ago? when i started the path of no return? well.. not say no return la.
but the lost of innocence. this time would be the downfall of me.
im kinda confused with everything thats happening and every thing screwing up.
well not everything is screwed up but almost everything.
and guess what? i dont know if i can take it anymore

the lost of a friend.
backsliding.

so many others things that i dont even know how to label it..
argh.



damn it.
i really wished the sermon last week would help me now.
just who the hell am i?
what am i?
whats my identity........






im falling..

im POOPED out tired.
*listening to jars of clay one and only "i want to fall in love with you"*

Wondering about my spiritual gifts now and how am I gonna like cultivate it.
being single now gt so much time. not much people to chat with. no one to account to.
just plain ol me. the solemn one. quiet and introverted? haha.

sometimes i wonder how long before you'll treat me as a good friend again.

im proud of myself. in 2 months my bill is less than $100. haha. the past month was only $37.
but my spending on food has increased tremendously.
looks like i found more love in food than relationships.
their like so much simpler to enjoy. nt much thinking. love it? get it and eat it.
haha. but it has its price too $$$.

was on the bus back with wilson. talking about inflation. haha.
wonder if any one can explain to me why is there inflation. though i roughly know why there is i want to know the full story.


*still listening to the same song*



yawns. lets blog about my weekend.
fri i ended sch went to work early. huda was on mc so i started at around 3. ended work at 2am.
went home.
next day was hari raya. woke up like 10 in the morning to call jesmond aka jessie.
met him for breakfast cum lunch. ate BK.
had a kids meal plus a dble mushroom swiss. gt the scooby doo toy! haha. man do i miss scooby doo. got two of the toys now. so went to work at 12pm. huihui ask me come early do paper work. in the end she late. tsk tsk tsk.
so i so called started work at 1. finished at 2am again.
next day i had to work opening because emylia couldnt make it for work. so i tot alright i'll take her shift since im starting at 12 anyway. so worked 9-6. but had to extend cause watee didnt come to work. so in the end me xue ying and hui hui extend till 10. so i practically worked opening to closing. that xue ying also crazy like me.
gt attachment still work on fri till closing. then sat closing. sunday morning till closing. haha.
she consider it as 8 days of work. i still consider it as 7. haha.
anyways. thats about all for my weekend.
nothing much.
i feel like i've strayed from my quiet time these few days.
i've only been praying morning and night.


anyways. Jessie. join my cell on tuesdays lei. since u no sch.

heroes is almost done d/l so i shall sign off here.
nights everyone.





zach.

13th oct

Copied this from Raina's blog.
cause i was darn bored.
so this is non official meaning of my name.

BE WARNED! I HAVE A VERY LONG NAME



Z: Lives life for fun
A: Fun to be around with
C: Really fall in love with
H: Easy to fall in love with
A: Fun to be around with
R: Can kick your ass
Y: Loved by everybody

M: Make people laugh
A: Fun to be around with
R: Can kick your ass
K: Really silly

W: Very broad minded
O: EXTREMELY easy to fall in love with
N: Good bf/gf
G: Dont like people to tell you what to do

N: Good bf/gf
G: Dont like people to tell you what to do
A: Fun to be around with
I: Love to laugh

M: Make people laugh
U: Gets blamed for everything
N: Good bf/gf
N: Good bf/gf

W: Very broad minded
A: Fun to be around with
N: Good bf/gf
G: Dont like people to tell you what to do

Y: Loved by everybody
I: Love to laugh


W: Very broad minded
E: Have beautiful eyes
N: Good bf/gf

only thing i would actually agree with this is a few alphabets which are : Z,G,I,K.




A: Fun to be around with
B: Loves to make people laugh
C: Really fall in love with
D: Is a great dancer
E: Have beautiful eyes
F: People get wild and crazy to adore you
G: Dont like people to tell you what to do
H: Easy to fall in love with
I: Love to laugh
J: Easy to have fun with
K: Really silly
L: One of the most romantic people
M: Make people laugh
N: Good bf/gf
O: EXTREMELY easy to fall in love with
P: Popular with all types of people
Q: A hypocrite
R: Can kick your ass
S: Lives life for fun
T: Great Kisser
U: Gets blamed for everything
V: Not judgmental
W: Very broad minded
X: Drop dead gorgeous
Y: Loved by everybody
Z: Lives life for fun

Moving House

ok. im gonna move house soon.
man the end of the year is gonna be b-b-b-busy!




zach.

All The Worlds By Kutless

How do I speak of the indescribable to you
I will try to explain these feelings that are true
so look in to the sky I will sing
and from my heart to you I bring

All of the words and all of my life
that could never explain and never describe
All of my love which is nothing to hide
so I lift up my hands and I worship
I worship you

In your presence I forever choose to live
I will praise you for its all I have to give
so look in to the sky I will sing
and from my heart to you I bring

All of the words and all of my life
that could never explain and never describe
All of my love which is nothing to hide
so I lift up my hands and I worship

By your grace you let me come and talk to you
Its not that I'm worthy I thank you Jesus
for the love that you have shown

All of the words and all of my life
that could never explain and never describe
All of my love which is nothing to hide
so I lift up my hands and I worship

With all of the words and all of my life
that could never explain and never describe
All of my love which is nothing to hide
so I lift up my hands and I worship
I worship you






Indeed i do worship you Oh Lord.
Thank you for guiding me all my life.
Please forgive me for all the things that i've done wrong.
All of these words i say to you,
Amen.




zach.3:53am 7th Oct 2007
anotherdaycloser.

What I found.

I found peace and serenity..
in SLEEP!
well after all my "mixed vegetables" ranting ( as described by Bird)
i guess all i needed was just SLEEP(and prayer).
feeling so much better now.

Thank God!

that simple thought.

today's been a so so day for me.
sch's fine.
work was not as good.
movie was alright...

but somehow i dont feel right..


time to sleep.
before i get insomnia by thinking too much again.


anotherdaypassesbywithoutaminuteofnotthinkingofanything.
man. what am i saying.











zach.
God, I still do Love you =D.
and i shall praise u every single day no matter how sucky it is.
cause being able to live the next day is already what i love most.

Cursing and swearing

hmm. why do people love to curse and swear?
thats one question i've yet to answer to.

3rd oct part 2.

hmm.. i think its time i stop denying myself and start learning a musical instrument.
what should i start with.. hmm should i pick up what my dad has spent so many years practising?


thinking.

3rd Oct.

hey peeps.
im so bored.
aint gt mood to study.
so here i am blogging.

yawns.
tomorrow is a full day of sch. 8-5. man aint it gonna be tiring.
my mind feels as if its gonna blow.
for no reason.
maybe cause of the boredness.
it cant seem to operate properly.
i dont have a temperature so it should be alright.
i feel so drained.
though i dont do anything much.

rawr.Rawr. RAWR.

i feel like singing. but i know its kinda awful.
so i will be nice and not sing.
i cant seem to think of anyone to chat with on msn.
i feel like im part of the ASS ( Anti Social Society ).

or maybe cause im being emo.
oh no. thats real bad.
hmm.. that could explain my love for the colour black. LOL.
not that i really LOVE that colour. but just been buying black stuff.
2 black Raulph Lauren Polo Ts, A black psp, black pencil box, wearing all black.
hmm.. BLACK.
i need bright colours! but i dont like too bright colours. haha.
im feeling lonely again..
HH is sleeping
winston is busy playing games.
Raina is working.
No one for cell is online except jowell but he's busy.
No one from NCC seems to want to talk.
SP people are kinda being arrogant so i dont wanna talk to them atm.
Cousins are busy.
played my psp till i reach my limit.
played warcraft too.

BORING!


ok. i think i can confirm im really feeling emo now.
i wish my siblings were in SG or i was in HK..
at least i've gt someone to talk to.


ARGH! whats up with me.. *Falls back on my bed and lay there for a while*
this is one reason i love to work.
at least im doing something. and not just wasting my bloody time.
bloody hell..
hm.. i've resulted to cursing. something is really bothering me..
BUT WHAT!
i feel so disorganised..
i dont even know what i want to do anymore.. for today.

God pls tell me whats bugging me inside.
my facade will soon fade..
*pouts and snorts*
oink.




WHY AM I FEELING SO BLOODY DEPRESSED!




d-.-b d-.-b d-.-b d-.-b d-.-b

Just a simple wish.

Hope i didnt screw up.

Just Another day.

well what do ya know.
here i am again bloggin.
hmm. havet i been blogging a lot lately?


hmm. today was an alright day. was looking forward for cell but unfortunately it got cancelled.
well its alright. Prayer is every day.


Been thinking of my migration for the pass few days.
im really wondering how it would be like to leave Singapore.
Well, leaving HK was not a prob for me because i left there before i could even remember anything.
Now, its almost a whole new diff story,
i've gt friends, friends who really cared about me and whom i really do care for..



leaving the life here would be my next big obstacle.
but God only tests people if they're really ready for it.
so when the time comes, im assuming i m.

To The Cow

Dear Winnie Aka Moo,

this post is to apologize for me leaving you in such an abrupt manner.
the times we shared were great and i definitly would not regret it.
I've never really given you a proper reason for why i broke up with you.
and now i'm going to spill the beans openly to our cell peeps.

during the 2 weeks that we didnt really talk after you came back from Aussie,
i felt kinda pressured by you as I know the one week was a long and torturing separation and you really really missed me a lot. Though i had nothing much to say to you when you came back does not mean i did not have a feelings for you at all.

Though after a while you realised that you were a bit demanding and apologized i thought that that would be the end of it already but after cell, the one where Glenn was telling us to face our problems and stuff, you asked me a simple question and i didnt answer. how you reacted really made me think whether trully if you had actually really solved the earlier problem.

After that day, 2 pain stakening weeks passed and we didnt talk much. you asked me what was wrong. and that was what made me real mad. and that was when after being confront by 3 random people that i finally know that though i wanted to stay it was not meant to be any more.

I felt kinda sad too but i had to keep my front cause i know to let go of someone u cherish most is also called love. i didnt want to hurt you any longer cause i know i would not be able to share with you stuff that we used to share so openly anymore. I just couldnt take it anymore. As hard as i tried to forgive you each time you made me angry i just couldnt take it.

Its good that you knew that you should have treasured me a lil bit more when we were together ( not that im being sarcastic here). but at least now you know that even if you are still waiting for me now or that you would find another guy. you would treasure him.

Sorry if its getting kinda confusing but these pass few nights after last weeks cell has been much difficult for me to sleep cause i knew i had to tell you all of this. Im sorry that i couldnt tell you this face to face. Im a coward and would never want to see a girl cry because of me.
but in the end i still made u cry twice.

After all that happened, I would like for you too forgive me just as how God forgave me for the things i did to you.

I do hope that you would read this post because its specially written from you from my heart.





yours sincerely,

Mark.

P.S. In the Seasons of Change, God will see you through.
Getting slain and having the leapt of faith to finally talk to me is a big improvement.
You're a strong petit girl and you are bound to make great changes to the people around you.
but sometimes you've got to trust youself and let go of the little problems around you.
Faith is what i lived on through my years and i do hope you, too, would have build your Faith and carry on leading a happy life.

Happy Childrens Day

Hello everyone.
as u can see by my nick. ITS CHILDRENS DAY!
was being bullied in class as i was the youngest.
Sometiems i wish i wasnt really treated like a kid,
sure i may play weird games like digimon and make silly jokes but hey thats called being young at heart. Its my interest.anyways the matters passed and i dont really care.

havent gt enough sleep since last night. couldnt really sleep at all..
After saying goodnight to Raina on msn i went to lie on my bed trying to fall asleep till like 3+ after which i couldnt take it anymore and got up from my bed and headed to my lappy to play WC3 till like 5+ this morning. After that i got ready for lessons.

Didnt feel that tired the whole day but just kept yawning a lot.
After sch went to TC for box staff meeting.Dropped by KFC at PS to buy food for Raina first. Bumped in to DC who was on attachment at the charles and keith there. He was suppose to call me after work but he didnt.
Had a great and enjoyable meeting. Only thing was trying to comfort xue ying cause she saw her ex and he like didnt really want to acknowledge her at all which is kinda sad. throughout the whole meeting tried to comfort her succeeded a lil bit. At least she laughed when Andrew made jokes. haha.
After that went with Raina Xue ying Francis and Jesmond to eat BnJ at lvl 2. Saw Julian there and he gave us discount on the ice cream! haha. yummy.

Had a nice chat on the cab back.
dropped raina off first and then jesmond.


im feeling pooped all of a sudden.
think i'll sleep comfortably tonight.
All i want to say today is to Thank God cause i think i had a great time.



Zach
sometimes i wish i could express to you how i feel. Smilez =D
sometimes i wonder how much i would like to thank you for the times you've shared with me.
sometimes i want to just hold your hand or just cuddle but i think its inappropriate. haha.
somtimes is just a word to describe my thoughts .
Somtimes.



hmm dwight. i think what you said is right. i need someone to account to and be accounted for.
i've lead a lonely life and maybe thats why im yearning for so much more nowadays.

mistaken job.

its a new day!
and it was a weird day.
haha. gt mistaken as a staff for 2 different places today.
first was surf and turf a restaurant and secondly vhive.
man was it weird. lols.

today is desmond's last day at TC hope he enjoys AMK.

today was in the car with my parents and sometimes i wonder if they're on the right path of christianity.
why i wonder?
cause they're always critisizing people. especially my stepmom.
why cant she sometimes accept people for who they are.
people arent perfect. they make mistakes. they have habits.
and i wonder when will she ever trust me.
i know not telling them i bought my own insurance is wrong but sometimes u can give me that lil bit of support right. Dont i have my own right to make decisions too?
So what if i made a boo boo. at least i learn from it right.
anyways. i'm done tinking about that. it was actually yesterdays stuff. but didnt feel like blogging about it..

i feel like a "sunday" christian.. cause im like being a hypocrite nw. doing what my mom does to people.
I think almost everyone is hypocritical. but its not my right to judge God's children.

first week of sch have been great and im getting the feeling to actually really study.
i cant lose out to my classmates.. Though i may not get high GPA scores like them. hard work is all i need. cause at least i know i did my best.

argh. my aczema is back.
stupid stress.
why do i always worry myself about problems which arent mine.
im like adding extra stuff to my own routine everyday.
is going all out to help people wrong?. nvm. maybe its just my nature to want to help others.
but sometimes i dont know what holds me back.
Evan Almighty's moral is still in my head.
To change the world. Every Act of Random Kindness will do.
thats why it was called Noah's ARK. the ARK which stood for Act of Random Kindness.
it did make sense. but too bad it was Man created. haha.

Facts about me?

hellos.
just thought of something to blog about suddenly.
since only certain people have the link to my blog. for eg. my cell.

i'll just explain about my family's past since most of you people still dont know much about me at all.

firstly. i was born in HK 11/11/89
grew up in SG
Parents Divorced and remarried. Both.
Got an Elder sister which some of my classmates are crazy about now.
Got a little bro. dunno whether to consider as step bro or wat cause my its my birthmom's and new husbands son.
Followed my dad. who remarried and now living with my stepmom and dad.
stepmom loves to nag and scream and scold me for various stupid reasons.
had a troubled childhood but i managed to get through alone with help from only God.
Used to attend Faith Family Church. and now PLMC.

hmm thats about all i tink?
well if theres anything just comment. i'll reply. haha.




zach.

Journey To The Past

Here's lyrics from the song Journey to the Past from the movie Anastasia.

Heart, don't fail me now!
Courage, don't desert me!
Don't turn back now that we're here
People always say
Life is full of choices
No one ever mentions fear!
Or how a road can seem so long
How the world can seem so vast
Courage see me through
Heart I'm trusting you
On this journey...to the past

Somewhere down this road
I know someone's waiting
Years of dreams just can't be wrong
Arms will open wide
I'll be safe and wanted
Fin'lly home where I belong
Well, starting here, my life begins
Starting now, I'm learning fast
Courage see me through
Heart I'm trusting you
On this journey...to the past

Heart don't fail me now!
Courage don't desert me!
Home, Love, Family
There was once a time
I must have had them too
Home, Love, Family
I will never be complete
Until I find you...

One step at a time,
One hope, then another
Who knows where this road may go
Back to who I was
On to find my future,
Things my heart still needs to know
Yes, let this be a sign!
Let this road be mine!
Let it lead me to my past
Courage see me through
Heart I'm trusting you
To bring me home...
At last!
At last!
Courage see me through
Heart I'm trusting you
yea...

oh man.

hey peeps. its like 2.45am and im blogging.
something must be up.
issit cause my tummy's rumbling? guess not.
issit cause im waiting to bathe in a while? acceptable.
issit cause im going to question again? most probable.

anyways.
after months of no shortage. unfortunately the streak is over. had a shortage or $25.50 today.. there goes half the days pay.. but i dont really care. money aint the most impt thing in this world anyways.

ive been questioning myself these few days. and wondering. especially after cell.. whose accounting to me? who can i fall back on? who will be there when i need help? who is the person i can almost always rely on and they in turn on me.

Sadly enough but true. i've gt no one.
well.. it does bother me a bit.. but life still goes on.
sometimes i too wonder why do people sometimes care so much about certain stuff when it could be easily let go off.
i know i've been like them once and it really made me tink. 3 whole years. and i really Thank God for the 3 suffering years. Through the years i've kept my faith and i believe its whats keeping me who i m today. just plain ordinary but extraordinary faith.

i hope the person who has my faith kid shirt still remembers what it symbolizes to me.

i have a few years left here.. and i really wonder what am i to do.. im still waiting for my answer.
i feel so ignorant at times. with ITP and FYP and lotsa projects coming up this sem. esp report writings.. i feel drained already thinking about it.

i've led an aimless life and only following that inside voice to do what i do.
actually.. i tink i've gt an aim. to only serve God.



if you're reading what i've been typin all these while.
these are just random thoughts that im thinking. =D


now for more thoughts.

And thanks Raina for the pass few days.
Hope Jappy's enjoying his time in Turkey.
Darn my aczema or however u spell it is coming back.
Is all this thinking what the doc called as stress?
I dont feel stress. I just feel.. unclear? nah.. hmm.. emo? nopes.. lonely? maybe..
will i ever feel stress? am i too resilient?




anyways. time to go bathe.
IF you read through here and the next few lines left. Thanks for spending time reading up =)


Have a Good Night people.
God Bless.
Zach. aka Mark. aka Whatever you know me as.

Hello Everybody!

Hey alls.

looks like im back to blogging cause of SOMEONE =D
that SOMEONE better feel honoured ar.
haha.

zachzachZACH! =)